Never "Fall" in Love
I got a problem with the English phrase—to fall in love.
Whenever I see it in print or hear it, my mind gets stuck on the use of the word, “fall” alongside “love”.
To me these two words, fall and love, can not be used together, conceptually, to convey the feeling of being in love.
They make love seem like some kind of a booby trap that you’d rather avoid falling into.
If you are “falling” in love, then either you should stop falling or stop loving. You can not love if you are falling and you can not fall if you are loving.
How could you fall in love when love is supposed to be the grandest and the greatest of all human emotions?
A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE PHRASE—TO FALL IN LOVE
I don’t know who coined this phrase but when I searched for it on The Online Etymology Dictionary, I came to know that its usage in the English language, dates back to the early 15th century.
To get a perspective on that, as far as the history of English literature is concerned, that would be after the time of Geoffrey Chaucer (c. 1343 – 25 October 1400) and before the birth of William Shakespeare (baptized 26 April 1564; died 23 April 1616).
Shakespeare also used this phrase in his play, As You Like It, believed to have been written in 1599 or early 1600 and first published in 1623.
As You Like It
by William Shakespeare
Act 1, Scene 2
CELIA
You know my father hath no child but I, nor none is
like to have: and, truly, when he dies, thou shalt
be his heir, for what he hath taken away from thy
father perforce, I will render thee again in
affection; by mine honour, I will; and when I break
that oath, let me turn monster: therefore, my
sweet Rose, my dear Rose, be merry.ROSALIND
From henceforth I will, coz, and devise sports. Let
me see; what think you of falling in love?
I wish that instead of Rosalind asking Celia, “what think you of falling in love?”, Shakespeare would have asked me about it. 
Some people also argue that the phrase, to fall in love, is linked to the “fall” of Adam and Eve from Heavens.
In Genesis, the first book of the Jewish and Christian Bibles, God creates Adam and Eve, the first man and woman, in his own image.
God places them in the Garden of Eden and forbids them to eat fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil (often symbolized in European art and literature as an apple tree).
The serpent persuades Eve to eat fruit from the forbidden tree. Eve shares the fruit with Adam and they immediately become ashamed of their nakedness.
Source: Wikipedia
As Adam and Eve become ashamed of their nakedness, God says:
I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing;
in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband,
and he shall rule over you.[Gen. 3:6]
You may or may not agree with this argument, but the phrase, to fall in love, is full of negativity, which I dislike, because for me love is an emotion that is absolutely positive and decidedly grand.
THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN LOVE AND LUST
From the Bible reference above the act of sex is implied. Somehow, somewhere in our subconscious, sex is being labeled as bad, especially so in the Eastern cultures. We are made to believe that sex has no place in love and love is an emotion above and beyond the carnal pleasures.
I disagree with this thought. I see clear distinction between love and lust, but for me, love may or may not accommodate lust but pure lust has no place in the emotion of love.
This is true if we speak of love, as the love between a man and a woman. Of course, out of this context, the feeling of lust automatically vanishes. There is no question of lust when you are talking about your love for mankind or your love for your family.
WHAT IS LOVE ANYWAY
Everyone has an opinion on this and probably this emotion of love has been the single most talked and written about human emotion ever. It has been and still is the central focus of the literature of all times.
Your life revolves around it. You feel the presence or lack of it in your life acutely and your behavior is constantly shaped by it, in one way or another.
How do you define love? Try to answer this question for yourself.
You may have heard people saying that love can not be defined. It is too big an emotion to be expressed in words etc. But I think otherwise. And I also think that it is important to define this emotion of love for yourself.
You may not agree with my definition of love and similarly your definition of love may not ring true to me, but still you should know clearly that what is love for you.
HOW DO I DEFINE LOVE
My definition is simple.
Love is the emotion you feel, when you willingly and gladly give more importance to the well being and happiness of your object of love, rather than your own.
Do you agree with it?
When you love your child, won’t you put your own life at risk for him?
When you love a woman, won’t you do everything possible to make and keep her happy?
When you love God, won’t you go to any extreme to “please” Him?
When you love your fellow human beings, won’t you give them the best of what you got?
This is love, for me.
What is love for you? How do you define it? Let me know by commenting on this article in the comments section below.
SO NEVER FALL IN LOVE
Rise in love. Be in love. Share your love. Extend your love. Serve with love. Experience love. Just love. But never ever “fall” in love.
SHARING IS CARING
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Abubaker,
This was excellent. I agree that lust has no place in love. Love is as you said where you focus on the "other" not yourself.
Thank you,
Angela
Thank you Angela for visiting and commenting.
There is no point to love someone if it does not contribute to the happiness of whom you love.
I could say "It's just an expression" – but you wrote a beautiful, poetic, and inquisitive post around it so I will just say wonderful. I happen to love the phrase – to fall I love – I think of it as a falling not downward or in a painful way but a falling of giving in, submitting, accepting the grander feeling and bowing in its presence and believing in its power and essentially falling for it! (And how do you feel about "falling for" something anyway!!!)
!
Yes I have been told that by a number of people. The submission, acceptance and bowing meaning of "fall".
In my brain the word "fall" is stuck with phrases like, the fall of Lucifer, fall from Grace etc. So It just triggers this reaction when I see it used with Love.
Forget the other people. Now you've been told by ME and that should re-associate things to a higher and better meaning. No?
))!!!
Yes I have been told that by a number of people. The submission, acceptance and bowing meaning of "fall".
In my brain the word "fall" is stuck with phrases like, the fall of Lucifer, fall from Grace etc. So It just triggers this reaction when I see it used with Love.
As for, falling for someone…..depends on the person you are falling for. If he is below you (pun not intended), then probably you don't have a choice. :p
I think the phrase "to fall in love" actually has a phenomenal accuracy. Being in love is not a planned or predictable event. It's something that happens all of a sudden whether you want it or not. You "walk" about life and suddenly you fall into this abyss, and nothing else matters. When you find yourself in love, there's nothing you can do to stop the feeling or switch off your emotions – when you fall you fall all the way.
Aysel,
Thank you for visiting and leaving your comment. It is a matter of perspective basically and mine is as I wrote in the post above and yours is right here in your comment.
By its nature, language is subjective and thus your perspective is as valid as mine.
Abubaker – Have been visiting here and preparing myself to write a post on the things I wish I knew….soon
This post of yours reminded me of on of mine. http://www.everydaygyaan.com/2009/09/when-love-co…
Corinne,
Thank you for your comment.
What is stopping you from writing the post for Life Lessons Series?
I'll head over and read your post about love now.
Spot on! Falling in love is contradictory at best. It's funny how a lot of sayings we use, just doesn't make sense. This is no exception. Thank you for this thought-provoking article, Sir. Take care!
Finally, someone who agrees.
Ali, good to see you again on the blog and thank you for your comment.
Abubakar,
I like and agree with your defination of love, love is something where we go out of way to do something to please that person, without any expectation. seeing them happy means a world to us when we love. Love could be many type, love for god, spiritual guru, concept, kids, parents, grandparents, spouse, significant other, sibling or self love.
I like to see we RISE in LOVE instead.
Same here Preeti. I vote for Rise in Love.
Thank you for visiting and leaving your feedback.
Abubakar – I have really enjoyed this post. It is very thought provoking!
"Give more importance to the well being and happiness of your object of love rather than your own."
I know what you mean when you say this – especially when you give the example of loving a child. If my daughter needed a kidney and mine was suitable would I give her it even if it meant my demise – yes absolutely.
However do I want my husband to give more importance to my happiness than his own? No.
When you put the well being of others before your own you are not being true to yourself. If he is not being true to himself he is not the man that I have grown to love. ( now that you have pointed it "fall" is not appropriate
I don't want sacrifices in the name of love – I think I want loving compromises.
Isn't amazing that something as simple as loving someone can be so hard describe. I think I need some more work on my definition.
Marion,
And I enjoyed your comment.
I can understand where you are coming from when you talk about your husband and that is exactly my point.
Abubakar –
I was slow but your comment has just caused the ah-ha moment that I was missing. Got it. The circle of love. Two people always putting each other first without personal agenda. The supreme win-win , so you always have the loving compromise.
Thank you <3
Exactly, the supreme win-win.
Abubakar: I really loved how you ended this post because I think it summed up beautifully what love is all about. To be able to rise, be, share, extend, serve and experience love has an amazing impact on our lives. I think the true definition of love and what it means in our life is such an important topic that is probably not discussed nearly enough. Thanks for providing your insights so beautifully. I really enjoyed reading this post.
Thank you Sibyl for your kind words. Love is discussed but not in the way it should be.
Abubakar,
I have to admit I never paid much attention to the phrase before, but I was interested to see all the research you did about it. Etymology fascinates me and once you made the connection to some Biblical ideas of falling, I felt I could relate to that interpretation. And I am in awe of the phrase "Rise in love!" I really like that. Thank you!
Maggie,
Welcome and thank you for commenting.
And what else can I say? Oh yes, Rise in Love.
Oh I love this: "Rise in love. Be in love. Share your love. Extend your love. Serve with love. Experience love. Just love." I do understand where you are coming from with not liking "fall" what I do like about "fall in love" is I perceive "fall" as melt – melting into love. It doesn't have to apply only to romantic love – when we melt into love, we find ourselves yielding, softening our selfishness as we care about the other.
A very thought provoking post!
Aileen,
Good to see you here. Thank you for your comment.
You are in the Farnoosh group then. Check her comment above.
I wrote an article in which I defined the meaning of "falling in love". The phrase is used prevalently in our culture. The important thing here is: do people who use that phrase really know what they are talking about?
I invite everyone to see more of this in my article published on http://www.siteofwisdom.com/blog/social/is-it-tru…
Percival,
Thank you visiting and commenting.
I liked the following two paragraphs from your article.
"One falls in love, and gets infatuated. Another grows in love, and loves truly.
Falling in love is a sudden occurrence, just like when an intoxicated person falls unexpectedly into a pit. Growing in love is a slow, gradual process, like a plant extending its branches upwards and taking deep roots downwards."
Thank you, Abubakar, for visiting my site. Thank you also for appreciating a portion of what I said about love and infatuation.
My definition of love?
“love is giving someone the power to hurt you,
Trusting that they won’t,
and forgiving them when they do”
Interesting article, one more thought on the reason we use the phrase “fall in love.”. Relating to the story of Adam and Eve, Eve partook of the forbidden fruit which would cause her to be cast out of the garden of Eden. She would “fall” from the current world her and Adam were a part of. Adam was faced with a decision, either stay in the wonderful garden where all was provided for him or “fall in love” with Eve, whom he loved and was willing to give up all to be with her. Adam literally “fell in love” with Eve, not matter what hardships, trials, adventurers were ahead of them they would be together because they loved each other. So in that sense, they “fell in love” but in a beautiful wondeful way, and that’s a great lesson from our first parents. Just a thought, maybe the phrase goes back to the beginning of time to the original and first love story and has been passed down from generation to generation by grateful offspring.