What To Say When The Heart Wants, What It Can Not Have
Hi Love,
As I type these words on my laptop, I know, that at this time, you’ll be lying on your bed, trying to sleep with a weary heart. A heart that wants, what it can’t have.
Hearts are made that way. They are stubborn and demanding. And especially so when you are in love with someone. Like you are! Like I am!
Love, between a man and a woman, is the most mysterious force I have ever known, in my life. One moment you are flying above the clouds, and the next moment, you are buried in the darkness of the earthly realities of life. Stuck! Unable to think straight. Brain dead!
I touch your face and it lights up. I kiss you, and you feel as if I have breathed life in you, and yet, when you think that I won’t be with you for always—if any “always” exists—you feel as if your heart is sinking to the bottom of the ocean of your miseries.
That’s how love is! Ecstatic and life threatening at the same time. That’s the mystery of it.
I try to think logically. I try to analyze love. I try to dissect it and explore its different dimensions. I try to fit it in different categories. I have been doing it for decades, and the only thing I could come up with, is the element of possession in love.
When you love someone, you become possessive about him or her. And probably that’s the exact point where the roads diverge, and you are taken on a journey that is filled with roses and thorns at the same time.
You smell the roses and yet you are wounded and scarred by the thorns, when you try to cut them from the roots and keep them all for yourself.
Then you look back and wonder, what if you have chosen the other road? The safer one. The one, that might not have hurt you. For hurt is still hurt, even if it comes with the momentary elation of the spirit.
I know, sometimes I don’t make sense. But when it comes to love the boundaries of what we call sense blur with the limitlessness of insanity. So forgive me for that, because I’m helpless in clearly defining these unfathomable borderlines.
Come, put your head in my lap, while I talk to you. You know, what puzzles me the most is that why we are unable to love each other, the same, without trying to possess each other?
Why the more my heart wants you, the more I want to possess you? Why can’t I just love you for the sake of loving? Why do I have to have you in my life, physically, in some way, to be able to feel some peace of mind?
I hear you whispering, my love. Are you asking the same questions?
Your teary eyes confirm my understanding. Let me kiss away your tears!
I am feeling a strange and subtle pain in my chest, like someone is grabbing my heart right now. I always feel that when it’s time to leave you and go back to my “life”. The same old routines of everyday life. The days slipping into nights—endlessly.
But I’ll stay with you a little more tonight, because I want to tell you something.
“What, my love?”, I hear you asking.
It will come out of me when it will be time, my love, so just stay put. Just feel me with you right now, in this moment, because this is the only moment that we got. Together! You and me.
In this moment, all I want, is to feel your presence, your warmth, your smell, your touch. This moment is Life for me. Let me live it for a moment.
The unpredictability of life, makes every moment I spend with you, precious. When you are with me, I spend a lifetime in one single moment. That’s another mystery of love—and time.
So, we were talking about possession. Is it because of our egos or is it in the nature of love by default? I don’t really understand. And more than that I don’t understand that why we are meant to love some people so much more than others?
Why you came into my life, and why I became a part of yours? It happened, all by itself. Without thinking. Without planning.
What is it, that you and me have to experience together? Why have we been brought so close to each other, like this? Who is moving the cords and for what reasons? Will we be able to understand all this—ever?
Is it possible to love someone like this and forget? Is it possible to turn this kind of love into a distant memory one day, to be recalled less and less as time passes? I don’t know, but maybe I’ll know when the time comes.
And what if, just what if, let’s assume, for a moment, that some miracle happens, and we are together forever—again if a “forever” exists—will the intensity of our love for each other remain the same? That is another question, that I don’t know the answer of. Let’s see if a time comes, when we get an answer for this, or not.
Why is your heart beating so fast, my love? I can even hear your heartbeats. Looks like it’s time for me to leave. Maybe that’s why I feel your hand clutching mine, holding it tight, as if you don’t want me to leave. I know, I understand this. But leave, we all must, my love, one day!
So now let me tell you what I want to tell you, before I finally leave. After I am gone, remember these words. Don’t think about them, but feel them. Because they might, they just might be able to bring some peace in your heart.
I heard them in a movie, Moulin Rouge. Spoken by someone like me, who loved someone like you. And they stuck a cord with me ever since, and I want to convey that message to you now.
So listen and listen with your heart that:
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.
And we have already learned that. You and me!
Whether we are together tomorrow or not, never forget to pass on this message, my love. For it is indeed one of the greatest lessons in life.
Now let me kiss your eyes and say good bye. And you know very well, how much I hate, “Good byes”. But we all have to take leave one day, whether in life or in death.
So good bye, my love! I hope, wish and pray to say to you, “Hi Love”, soon.
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I am the person who knows, how hard a feeling it is, when you are in love. There is something always telling you that you will not be able to get it.
I think that is one of the reasons that we become so possessive. We feel like spending every moment with them, due to the feeling which tells us that it will be over soon!
What a hard feeling when you are forced to say “Good bye”, but what can we do, when the two hearts in love want to be with each other but are not meant to be, by their destinies.
During reading these touching words, written by you, my friend Bakar, a touching song came to my mind,
(Laura Pausini-It’s Not Goodbye)
Here are some of its lyrics…
Until the day I let you go,
Until we say our next hello
It’s not goodbye.
Till I see you again
I’ll be right here remembering when
And if time is on our side
there will be no tears to cry on down the road
there is one thing I can’t deny
It’s not goodbye
Dear Mashael,
Thank you for your beautiful comment and what can I say except:
Until the day I let you go,
Until we say our next hello
It’s not goodbye.
Till I see you again
I’ll be right here remembering when
And if time is on our side
there will be no tears to cry on down the road
there is one thing I can’t deny
It’s not goodbye
Hello Abubakar. Love seems like it should be the simplest subject in the world but it’s quite the opposite. The mere intensity of love is enough to sometimes drive us to act in unloving, possessive, fearful ways. In love, we are most vulnerable. And vulnerability sometimes brings out the not-so-perfect side of everyone.
Nea,
Yes you are right. Probably simplicity and complexity are two sides of the same coin.
I think people confuse Love – with a big L- with infatuation, sex … specially in our western culture. So we confuse some of the benefits of Love, with what Love is.
Love is a divine emotional/spiritual connection between two individuals.
I do not know if unrecipocated Love is real , true Love.
Just take care of yourself, and do good around you: your turn will come.
Laure
Exactly, lots of people confuse love with lust and they make a simple thing complex by doing so.
Welcome to the blog Laure and thank you for leaving your feedback.
Really nice article. It definitely happens. I don’t know whether you got your answers or not but I can tell you that these questions have definite answers. The beautiful experience is not by getting answers from someone but from your own self. So, I suggest you that, if you haven’t got the answers yet, wait for the answers to reach you.
Secondly, I really liked the post and I want it to add a portion of it or all of the post by your name, in my publication, any time when I wish. If it have been published on paper, I’ll be glad to have a reference of that, so I can get a copy of it. Please reply me to tell me if you allow me to publish and distribute this post by your name.
I’ll be waiting for your response at shahrukh [underscore] syed [at] hotmail [dot] com.
Shahrukh,
Thank you for leaving your lovely feedback and welcome to the blog. Yes you may use this article as you like.
The hardest post for commenting. You touch on so many topics in this mysterious email and who knows the true impetus for you to write it and if you really felt this way or if you are imagining the parting of two heart-broken lovers or if it is pure fiction for our benefit to know better the true statement you have here which is to love and be loved in return.
Nonetheless, there’s my comment, my dear Abubakar. And I am so happy that you broke the spell with writing about LOVE.
Not email. Mysterious *LETTER*
!
Love has a way of breaking as well as casting the spells.
The message is only this: “The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return.”
Thank you for commenting dear Farnoosh.
When I read this, it brought tears to my eyes and I am transported back to a time when I too had to face the departure of a loved one from my life and I can’t help but to wish he wrote this for me the way you have written this to whoever it is you have intended it for.
Forever exists, “always” too.
At least I would like to think that, eventhough physically apart and no longer in touch, the memories and love that was shared, learned and suffered along the way when together or apart are what makes it alive in us. Although the years were hard to face without being together anymore, I still hear that voice and laughter sometimes. The beautiful memories are my blessings, that helped me have faith and gave me strength to put one foot in front of the other, slowly – until I could walk and then run again like normal.
When in love, the heart knows no reason why nothing cannot be achieved, no matter how impossible. A love that is truly expressed is so easy to recieve & it is what gives us almost ‘super powers’ to face all obstacles. Love makes it hard to let go when it is also so very beautiful to behold. I guess that’s why we hold on for so long, or why we try so hard to possess each other.
No, I don’t have any answers to your questions too, but then again, I suppose none of us will ever truly know – and that would be the beauty of it all – to Love.
In Khalil Gibran’s ‘The Prophet’, the great Lebanese poet explained the nature of love wonderfully :
” When Love beckons to you, follow him,
though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste his garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is your growth so is he your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your
tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them
in their clinging to the earth.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.”
Love is a nourishment to the soul, although it is a very tough and painful teacher to live with. But Love is the best teacher there is, I would think, to make us question it everyday of our lives. They say that the day we stop learning, is the day we stop growing. So with this, the day we stop loving, is the day we stop living.
Whoever this is written for, or as Farnoosh puts it, if the person even exists or if it’s only meant as a lesson / thought for everyone, I am sure that somewhere out there, he or she can never ever live a day without forgetting such love and passion that has ever entered their lives and changing it. I will vouch for it, because I am one such person.
Thank you for writing this letter. May we all keep searching for the answers and not give up, and to always keep love alive in our heart, mind and soul.
Dear Chris,
Thank you for this wonderful comment from the heart. I understand but I have no words to say, so I’ll borrow some from Rumi..
I cannot sleep in your presence.
In your absence, tears prevent me.
You watch me My Beloved
On each sleepless night and
Only You see the difference
Looking at my life
I see that only Love
Has been my soul’s companion
From deep inside
My soul cries out:
Do not wait, surrender
For the sake of Love.
Awww…*crying*….this is so sweet….thank you for this I really needed that because am going through something exactly like that and these word are so inspiering…I am so greatful right now because these word are going to help me to get over or get through with the person am in love with right now…again thank you…..*crying*
Thank you for this wonderful article Abubakar! I am a heartbroken girl who is in love with someone who doesn’t love me back anymore. We had many good memories together and it just breaks my heart that he is not mine anymore. I did everything to move on… I blocked him as well as our circle of friends on facebook, I deleted his number, his pictures, everything! I know it was very cruel of me but I had to do it. I thought I moved on but when I got a text from him, all of my feelings went back. :[ I know that he only sees me as a friend and treats me as a friend but ugh.. it’s so difficult in my part. I want to move on but It’s so hard.. :[ It’s so sad to think that while I’m over here being all sad and hurt, he is probably out there thinking of someone else and happy. I just want to be happy again…
But thank you thank you for this article! you really opened my eyes to a lot of things! It’s life and we can’t always get what we want..
Glad to be of help Nessamae. Take care of yourself and thank you for your comment. Just one thing that why do you need to run away from your feelings? You really do not need to because you can’t. But yes you can always move on to creating new feelings and new memories.
Thank You Abubakar,
Such a wonderful letter, As I too am have a heart that is breaking, this has bought some peace to the pain I feel. LOVE can do some amazing things both good and bad. This is the mysterious thing about love and why it is so precious. As in my experiance off the love off my life who through my want to possesion off her love I broke her heart and mine too, as when she wanted space my heart went crazy and became nasty to her for which is my biggest regret, this caused me to loose what my heart truelly desired through its pain and feels so lost in time and despair. As I know hers feels the same, but because off my uncontrolable actions she feels we can never be together again. I now get comfort knowing that my heart experianced the love off the truest kind which will always be there, even though my twin flame has left me to move on with her life. Her love for me will last a eternity.