The Only Advice You Need to Deal with Negativity
Yesterday, I wrote a post 21 Faces of The Pakistan Flood as an effort to spread awareness about the continuing devastation that is happening all around me these days, due to the unprecedented floods that Pakistan is facing.
Luckily, the post hit the main page of Reddit, and it was read by more than 1500 people from 57 countries in less than 12 hours of it’s publication. People emailed me asking permission to use my post in their own efforts to spread the message, which of course, I was happy to give.
Along with the much needed and appreciated support, came a few comments on the post’s link on Reddit, that made me feel as if we are yet far away from being civilized.
The comments showed how thoughtlessly and blindly some of us judge the entire races, religions and countries, based on the actions of a few individuals. No doubt, the condition this World is in, makes sense.
To make the readers understand the magnitude and scale of the destruction floods brought, I had written that, “Imagine 3 Scotlands drowning and its population stranded among rising waters, which destroyed the houses, shops, bridges, roads, in short everything that those people had going for them.”
In response to that a commenter (with the interesting username of scumbag_contractor) replied, “Yea… except Scotland is a civilized country and Pakistan is a country of savage terrorists. Let them all drown.”
Right after Mr. Scumbag_Contractor came Mr. NukeThePope, who said, “Pakistan is a country of poor ignorant slobs co-opted by a criminal gang of religious nutjobs. The vast majority of them bear no blame for the terrorism that’s emerging… I’d heartlessly consider any aid to Pakistan a waste of good resources… A priority would be to kick their Islamist assholes into line.”
I am not going to reply to either of the above commenters and fall into a useless discussion about how wrong they are and how right am I. I won’t do it because it is not a matter of being right and wrong. It is simply a matter of being who one is. They did not judge me, my country, my people or my message. They just revealed how they think and that is perfectly fine with me.
But most people in this situation, especially when it happens face to face, become angry and feel hurt and insulted. They usually lash back at the accuser and lose their grip on logic and civility. They do that because they feel threatened and do not know how to deal with their emotions in a constructive way.
If you have ever been in such a situation and couldn’t handle it properly then I want to share with you how I deal with it. Maybe next time, if something like this happens to you, then you can recall what you read here and react differently.
Here is a story you must remember.
HOW BUDDHA DEALT WITH NEGATVITY
One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up to him and began insulting him.
"You have no right to be teaching others," he shouted.
"You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake."
Buddha was not upset by these insults. He just smiled. The man insulted him again and again but the only reaction he could get back from the Buddha was a smile and silence. Finally he stomped his feet and left cursing.
The disciples were feeling angry and one of the them couldn’t keep quiet and asked the Buddha, “Why didn’t you reply to the rude man?”
The Buddha replied, “If someone offers you a gift, and you refuse to accept it, to whom does the gift belong?”
“Of course to the person who brought the gift,” replied the disciple.
“That is correct,” smiled the Buddha, “and that is exactly why I didn’t accept what that young man was trying to offer me”.
You got the message, right? 
MOTHER TERESA’S QUOTE – DO IT ANYWAY
The following quote from Mother Teresa always helps me get over any negativity that is thrown my way and I’m sure that it will help you do the same as well.
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
—Mother Teresa
SHARING IS CARING
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Abubakar, thank you for writing this post. It has taught and inspired me a lot. Perhaps, the criticisms of these people who call themselves "civilized" are indeed a blessing in disguise. It gave you an opportunity to use it to teach your readers exactly what the title of this article is dealing with.
The more we are faced with difficulties in life, the more we are given a chance to learn more.
Pakistanis are people, just like their critics. Their critics have lowered their levels by giving unjust criticisms. If they sympathized instead, then they could have appeared more noble. But these are just a few people.
As I work with my computer everyday, I tune in to ClassicFM.com for some beautiful classical music. Every now and then, they give a call to the British people to give aid to the Pakistani people affected by the floods.
Man in general has a conscience and a heart. But there are only a few exceptions. Perhaps, they should start learning by reading your blog and those of others who write about personal development.
Sir, thank you for your kind words and support.
No one can dampen my spirits because I believe, that no matter how much negativity may be thrown at me, there are still people like you around who believe in Humanity above anything else.
Hello Abubakar. I can't tell you how shocked and mortified I was to read this and to learn that this had happened to you. But it's an ill wind indeed that blows nobody any good… and the excellent article you have written here needed to be written… and I'm so glad you were chosen to write it. Thank you very much for that.
As for the commenters… well… we must forgive them for they know not what they do. I believe that education [and the ability to empathise] is the solution to intolerance and misunderstanding in the world. For it would be difficult indeed to stand in the face of suffering and not feel the need to help in some way if we knew the person well and understood their pain.
I applaud you for your ability to turn the other cheek. Well done. And very well said.
Jean, I appreciate your kind words. Thank you very much for your message and encouragement.
I recall Wayne Dyer saying, “When I look at the news and all the things that are hostile out there, I remind myself that for every act of evil in the world, there are a million acts of kindness.”
"It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts." »
Dr. Robert Schuller
What is going on all over the world gives rise to negative thoughts amongst people. I am glad you could come out and post this article which has benefitted many including my own self.
I am glad YOU are MY FRIEND.
Regards n warm wishes,
Nabanita.
At times like that it is difficult not to judge the person. BRAVO Abubakar, I applaud your integrity!
Sandra, I appreciate your support and kind words. Thank you.
You are an inspiration. I am so grateful for the internet where, with a few exceptions such as you mention, PEOPLE and not governments can connect and find how much more we are alike than different. Like the other commentors, I applaud your integrity and equanimity. Blessings Abubakar.
Linda thanks again for your kind encouragement. We are first humans and then anyone else and that is the only message that I wanted to convey with this post.
Hi Abubakar. I was shocked, appalled and sickened to read the comments at the beginning of your post…. my faith in humanity shattered…. but i read on… and was so humbled to read of the generous manner in which you restored my inherent belief in the goodness of mankind. Your post, together with the comments above, surely reflect that good will always conquer evil.
Love and blessings to you and the people of Pakistan. You are not forgotten….
Sarah,
Do not be appalled. The opinion of a person is just an opinion. We won't survive as humans if we take it for the truth and start killing each other. And keep your faith in humanity alive because that is the real truth otherwise human race would have been vanished long ago from this planet.
Thank you for being who you are.
Hi Abubakar,
I was at work in the UK when the 9/11 attacks happened, and there was immediate talk of retaliation against Afghanistan in the media.
One of my co-workers jokingly said: "That's a great thing. That'll put them out of their misery."
I have great sympathy for people living under repressive regimes, and couldn't understand how someone would find other people's suffering so amusing.
And I also heard Muslims rejoice that the US had been attacked, without a thought for the victims.
I believe there are 2 ideas that fuel such an outlook:
1- We don't see others as human beings: We can equate Afghanistan to terrorism, then lose sight of the human beings living in that country. We equate an entire country – with all its inhabitants – to the actions of its government, without realizing that many Americans don't approve of their government's decisions.
2- Revenge = Justice: When we suffer, we want those who caused our suffering to suffer, too. We believe that to be justice, and rejoice whenever it happens. And here's the not-so-funny part: because we can speak with broad abstractions: such as Americans, Westerners, Muslims, Arabs, etc., we can broaden the scope of retaliation we wish to see.
The suffering of the people of Pakistan can be celebrated as revenge for the actions of a few Saudis, because they are all Muslims.
It's clear how flawed this thinking is, and I consider it a sign of ignorance that deserves pity and compassion, and not anger or contempt. Rather than feel the need to lash out at those who hold such a view, we can offer an outlook that nourishes their souls, as opposed to the outlook that's causing their souls to shrink.
Exactly, my point Haider, just that you explained it in a much better way than I did.
Thank you again for your insight and adding a beautiful dimension to the post, which I hope every visitor to this page reads.
Great post and reaction to the negative people out their. I loved both your story and quote – I will keep that in mind – the Ghandi story really struck a chord with me. When I am faced with negative comments, I try to remember everyone has their own path – both how they got the way they are and where they are going. I can't make assumptions about them because if I lived their path I might have said the same thing.
Katie, that is the whole point. We can't make assumptions and it's a matter of the path they have chosen and you have chosen that makes all the difference.
I'm grateful for the fact that there are more people like yourself in the world who are humane and have compassion for everyone.
PS – I posted your article on my facebook page and got reactions of support from tons of people – no haters in my friends!!
Thank you so much for your support. Please know that I appreciate this kind gesture from your side.
Abubakar,
This truly saddens me, I think most cases ignorance is behind such remarks. Majority of people are good but there always a few who will try our patience. No one deserves to suffer and feel pain, no matter where we live and what religion we may follow. We are all human race, common bond between us.
I like the way you made post about how to deal with negativity, making in to a positive thing.
Thank you Preeti for your comment and for being a great person.
Dear Abubakar! I'm sorry you had to go through this. I only have one word for the gentlemen with unkind comments: Compassion. For them to have compassion towards others (in this case the people in Pakistan) and for us to have compassion towards them because it seems that they carry a heavy load in their hearts.
Buddha and Mother Teresa's words were very wise and I shall carry them with me. Thanks so much for sharing your heart with us.
Loving blessings, my friend!
Andrea,
Your solution is the ONLY solution. Compassion! There is no doubt about it.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
I had an interesting test to my character yesterday. I was to meet one of our clients at a hearing in court. It was a criminal client. Now, the place where this court is held is in an old church building that the county has purchased. In the back of the building, you enter through a door and into a long hallway where at least 100 people sit waiting their time before the judge. Yesterday, as always, it was nearly full.
I found our client and shared with her that we were going to reset her time in court today, due to double scheduling of the attorney. She was mad and let out a tirade of words that would make a Sunday school teacher cringe. She was so livid and so expressive in her anger, she was almost arrested by the bailiff for being so disruptive.
I understood her upset. She came expecting to 'get this behind her' or at least, face the judge.
After I told her, I went in with the prosecutors. We got it reset and I went back out to let her know.
She was furious to say the least. She had been sitting there working up a pretty good 'mad'. I asked her to sign a form that the courted needed and she refused. She said that she was going to enter the room where the prosecutors were and tell them what she thought. I advised her not to do that, but wasn't going to get too involved. (I didn't want to go to jail with her
.
She stayed out in the hallway and starting screaming at me, cussing me (every word I've known) and blasting me. I had done nothing directly to hurt her. I just happened to be the one to whom she could vent her anger towards. She didn't let up for quite some time.
The bailiff told her to settle down, but she kept right on with her outburst and tirade at me. She was also crying the entire time. She is a large enough lady that even at my size, if she started swinging, I'm sure she could do some damage.
I patted her on the back and was as understanding as I could be. I was using endearing language like, 'dear, its going to be o.k.' I reasoned with her as best as I could. i never got angry and never took any of her tirade and cussing at me, personally. She finally signed the paper and stormed out of there.
Now, I'd love to tell you that I've always been so 'wise' and so 'mature' in handling such matters. The TRUTH is, I haven't. However, at this stage of my life, I notice that I don't have one ounce of wanting to engage or retaliate with someone who is cussing me and screaming at me as she did. The younger Michael Murphy would have come more unleashed than she was in a situation like that.
Michael,
Interesting comment indeed and very mature of you to act as you did with that lady. The truth also is that you are one of the rare ones, and most people in your situation, would have acted impulsively and had given "a piece of their mind" to that lady.
I am always inspired by such acts of grace, restraint and wisdom. Thank you so much for sharing with us this incident.
Michael,
We all age, but only some of us mature.
'Twas nice to read your story, and wish many more develop your maturity, and at an early age.
I believe most of our problems are a result of trying to protect a self-image or a reputation we believe is vulnerable and under attack. If we accept that others have weaknesses (like your client), who express their weakness, and not our faults, we'd be better equipped in dealing with life's challenges.
And most often a self-image that itself is flawed and needs careful rebuilding.
Hi,
I'll tell you what I think after reading those comments..I feel these are people who are imbalanced They have the ability to talk but not the ability to do anything.However they need to bear their own load of guilt, shame and whatever negativity lies inside them. Let them take back their gift!
Here in India, I sit and stare at my monitor in sheer disbelief when i look at the devastation. My mother cries every time she watches the news… you know the strange truth….you said we are one …i think folks in India and Pak are entwined whether they know it or not. Every time all this happens people cry and feel the sorrow resonating within them.
I wish the govts. would not politicize everything and just accept the much needed help. I tried the site you mentioned and looks like online payments are not possible yet. Thank you for the tremendous work that you are generating at this moment in time. Thank you for creating sensitive awareness in a humane way. I love your spirit.
God bless you
Thank you Vidisha for your detailed expression of your compassionate emotions and thinking. I appreciate that, and thank you for your support.
As soon as The Aaj Relief sets up online payment system, I will let you know by updating the blog.
People say and do stupid things out of fear and their refusal to grow. Both stories you've posted are my amongst my favorites. I also pray and bless those who react negatively. I want the best for them as well.
Thank you so much my friend for your kind words.
Like everything in the world, there is a positive and a negative, softness and hardness, darkness and lightness, coldness and warmth, these opposites keep life in balance and down to earth. Where there are good people you will find bad people, where you find good characters you find bad characters, where you find stone hearted people you find people of flower hearted. That is life. The important thing is that we don't become like the opposite unless its the better opposite.
Beautifully said Sufism World.
You are so right and thank you for sharing these words of wisdom with us.
Dear Abubakar! I could really feel the pain you might have had to receive such kind of fanatical comments, from a few. But these matters are really cases of mind over matters, if you don’t mind, it hardly matters. I just loved the concept you usually share and express to be human in life, always. And I salute you, for that.
One more personal thought I had; so you must also think about this : Aren’t you escaping from the MORAL RESPONSIBILITY of expressing people, living outside of your country about the REAL FACTS about the civilians of Pak, their agony, their resistence towards the cruality of the politicians?
If you won’t take the responsibility, then who will take and when?
I hope you won’t take my comment, personally.
V.Shankar
Shankar,
Welcome to the blog. I also believe like you do, that it doesn’t matter. The post was written for those, who do think that such remarks matter.
And as for writing about politics in Pakistan, I do that in as many ways as possible, other than this blog, because the theme of this blog is personal development, and it goes beyond local politics.
Thank you for your comment.
Thank you so much for this quotation. I was looking for a quotation my wife had clipped more than 30 yrs ago and kept in her purse for many years — but this morning we discovered that it had gotten lost. I went online looking for quite a different quotation and chanced upon your blog.
It turned out that this was better for me today than that one.
Thank you.
Peter