4 Most Overlooked Reasons Why Self-Help Material Doesn’t Change Your Life
“Self-help, personal development, self improvement, personal growth, self growth (call it whatever you like) sucks. This new age stuff, which is so overrated, is simply a massive money making scam.
Just another way to extract money from your pockets while making you believe that your life will change forever and ever after the secrets hidden deep inside the self-help books, CDs, videos, tele-classes, blogs, podcasts, email courses and live seminars are revealed to you.”
So was I told, by many a people who got nothing out of their investment in self-help related products. And guess what, they were right, but for the wrong reasons.
They attended the seminars, read the books, listened to the audios, received the email courses in their inboxes, attended tele-classes—but that is all they did. And that is exactly why they failed at changing their lives for the better.
Here are the 4 main reasons why self-help material doesn’t change your life the way you expect it to change.
1. SELF-HELP MATERIAL IS NOT SUPPOSED TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE ANYWAY
Huh? Before you start bashing me in the comments section below, keep your hands away from the keyboard and let me explain myself first. 
Self-help material is knowledge and pure knowledge is of no use unless it is properly understood and then consistently applied in your day to day life.
Most of the people who complain about self-help material not changing their lives, never even step on the first ladder of effort, which is an absolute necessity for behavioral change.
They were inspired, yes, but of what use is an inspiration if it just remains that—an inspiration!?
2. CHANGE HAPPENS IF YOU REALLY REALLY REALLY DO WANT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Change is an internal phenomenon. It cannot be forced upon you. Even you, yourself, can not force yourself to change unless you first create a real, genuine and valid desire to change your life.
Even if I put a handgun to your head and ask you to change your behavior, you won’t be able to do that. Yeah okay maybe you hand me over your wallet for the time being but once I’m gone with the wind, you will be back to your normal self again after filing a complaint with the police.
The point is, that it is YOU, who must have the ultimate desire to change your life and not any personal development book or self-help video that make you feel like want to change your life. Sorry, it just doesn’t happen that way.
3. CHANGE HAPPENS WHEN YOUR INTERNAL CONFLICTS ARE RESOLVED FIRST
I can inspire and motivate the hell out of you and so can many other people related to the self improvement niche, but it will amount to nothing unless you first put in the work to resolve your internal conflicts.
Internal conflicts include your default belief systems. For example if you believe that rich people get rich by involving themselves in dirty affairs, then no matter how badly you want to be financially independent, and no matter how good an advice you get, you won’t get rich.
Even if you win a multi million dollar lottery, you will get back to your internally accepted level of financial scarcity or abundance within a short span of time.
If you don’t believe me do a Google search on the life histories of people who got rich by winning lotteries and you will know what I mean.
4. MOST OF THE SELF-HELP MATERIAL YOU COME ACROSS IS JUST FLUFF
I have been in this field of personal development for more than 20 years and I can say with conviction that only 10% of the self-help material is really worth paying for. Paying for, both in the sense of time and money, more importantly time.
So I don’t blame you if you weren’t able to distinguish between what is good self-help material and what is just rubbish posing to be a self-help product.
So learn to make a better choice by the help of reviews, personal experiences of people who have subjected themselves to any such material and your own intuition.
So these are the 4 biggies that why self-help material doesn’t really help you change your life and now here is what I suggest that you do to make yourself change your life with good personal development products.
10 WAYS TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE BY USING GOOD SELF-HELP MATERIAL
1. Decide to change if you want to change your life. A decision is like burning the boats. You are not coming back to the shore.
2. Resolve your inner conflicts and work on your beliefs about the area of your life that you want to change.
3. Always opt for the best material available even if you have to pay a lot for it. It will be worth it in the end.
4. Take baby steps. Work on one area of your life at a time. That might be relationships, financial abundance, mental clarity, productivity or whatever. Choose the area which bothers you the most first and then work your way to the other areas of your life.
5. Involve your friends and family that have your best interest in their hearts to keep you on the track by giving you positive feedback.
6. Let go of the friends and people who discourage you and make you feel down.
7. In your mind’s eye see yourself as you want to be in the future and not as you are right now. Use the power of visualization to ease your journey.
8. Know that changing life is not a one step process. It is a journey of many miles and some of them are really hard to get through.
9. When the tough times come, keep on moving forward even if you have to crawl. It will pass. Surely it will pass.
10. And lastly and most importantly convert the self-help knowledge you acquire into a life changing force by taking consistent action in the right, well defined and consciously chosen direction.
If you do all that and still one day come to me, and tell me that the self-help material didn’t really help you, I’ll pick up a brick and (no I won’t throw it on your head), sit on it and open my laptop and ask you read this article again.
So in order to save me and yourself that trouble, please bookmark it right now and share it with your friends and family, who have been complaining about the same issue.
SHARING IS CARING
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Definitely, so true that self-help is only information. Information means nothing unless you act on it. I like point #3, about default beliefs systems. Doing that inner work can be icky and uncomfortable, which is why people would rather pay for heaps of information — it distracts them from the work! Great example with beliefs about rich people. It's so important to pay attention to what you judge and how, because it directs your behavior. I really like the opening, thanks for this article!
Melissa,
Pleasure to see you here and thank you so very much for your informed feedback.
It has always been a dilemma and a botheration for me to see so many people spending so much time and money on self-help stuff and yet being unable to help themselves, just because they believe that somehow they will be a given an invisible tablet or something, and then next morning their lives will change for them all by itself.
Hope to see you around.
Too funny, too candid and very smartly written, Abubakar. I am so happy that you have given me logical ammo to partake in the conversations that start with that exact phrase on the part of self-improvement……change starts from within! Great post! Retweeting
!
Farnoosh,
Now that you have the ammo, go make them change their lives and if they still do not do that, then pick up a brick and…..
Love this post! You have just articulated some of my inner thoughts. Everything is knowledge until we decide to apply them ourselves. I have always enjoyed this quote by Buddha "the finger pointing to the moon is not the moon". Retweeting it too!
Evelyn, Pleasure to see you here.
I think any one who really do understand what self-help material is all about will agree with you 100%.
I love that quote from Buddha.
Thanks for RT.
Some good points. But to me, a self-help book *should* help you generate reasons to want to change (in reference to #2). If you've ever read 'Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins, you'll know what I'm talking about. That book helps you generate reasons to change, internalizing the price you'll have to pay if you don't and the great rewards that will come if you do.
I agree… I think there are so many self-help books that are merely interesting to read but really don't help a whole lot.
That said… there's another part of this whole equation and that is reading every day. I'm not going to rehash a whole guest post I did a while back, so I'll put a link to it instead:
http://worldsstrongestlibrarian.com/5640/the-secr…
Thank you for visiting and leaving your comment.
You are right but who will pick a self-help book in the first place unless he is at least curious about getting help for himself first. It might be a passing or impulsive thought though.
That said, yes I have read "Awaken the Giant Within" and I agree with you a good self-help book should also give you reasons to change. But again it is YOU who have to do the work.
Abubakar,
What a refreshing post. I agree, that self help books, e-books helps only when you put things in practice and when you are ready to change from within.
We could be buying everything and wasting money, until we are ready to do more than inspired and actually take steps to follow the advise.
Many good advice and suggestions are free, we just need to look for it. Thank you for alternative and refreshing view on the whole thing.
Exactly Preeti,
There is so much free stuff around, which also very good, that we can't even consume it all.
The basic point is to decide and take action.
Abubakar,
You hit the nail right on the head with this post. Personal responsibility and accountability are everything when it comes to making changes and following through. Sometimes people need a little help and enouragement, but no one can change without an inner drive to do so. There is also a vast difference between knowledge and application. This is the hardest part of changing; using what we've learned.
Thanks Joe for visiting and leaving your encouraging feedback.
You are so right in saying that the difference between acquiring knowledge and actually applying it, is what actually brings about any change.
Self help without action is just you being helpless. Without action, there is no help. You have to help yourself.
Exactly, that is the point Jonathan.
Thank you for visiting the site and commenting.
Abubakar, wise words, my friend.
I especially like points #1 and #3… Oh, and #4, too. And don’t forget #2!
Self-help material doesn’t do anything for us. It’s what we do with it that matters.
Haider,
Glad that there is no #5 or you'd have forgotten that as well.
Thank you for visiting and leaving your feedback my friend.
I agree with your point(s). My opinion is that people do not understand the self-help in full, and they therefore complain. Simply "the map is not the same as the territory," people expect to read an article and grow. Reading about bodybuilding does not increase muscle. Lifting weights does. It is the same here. Self-help is the direction on the road. It is not the vehicle. It is easier to criticize than act…. Action requires effort, risk and daring. Criticism does not require so much.
Exactly my point Marco. You are right on the money.
Thanks a lot for visiting and leaving your valuable comment.
Great article, so glad somebody is pointing this out. I find that a lot of people want to think of their products or gurus as being somehow magical, they don’t want to face the idea that they need to be involved in their lives, because then they also have to take responsibility for their lives. Plus, it’s easier to blame Tony Robbins for not making you rich than it is to face the fact that you didn’t do the work you should have to attain your goal.
The plus side of this idea though, is that you dint need the products to change your life – you have everything you need (except possibly knowledge) within you!
Yours,
Megan
Megan this is a thoughtful comment.
It really is easier to blame Tony Robbins and avoid self responsibility. Beautifully put indeed.
Thank you so much for your insightful comment.
This is a stellar post! Every thing you list only gets better than the last. I've made many significant changes in my life and continue to make more and currently I'm crawling through one. I thought you'd appreciate my honesty.
Tess,
Welcome and thank you for your comment. I know change can be quite daunting sometimes, so I understand and appreciate your honesty, and wish you all the best, always.
Thanks for the post Abubakar. It’s nice to have a reminder every now and then to facilitate change you need to put in the work.
You are welcome Boykie.
Very interesting site and articles. Really thankful for sharing.Will surely recommend this site to some friends! Regards,